I was volunteering at a retirement community in Northridge. I've never been to a facility that houses the elderly. Sometimes I'm an "all American" girl and sometimes the culture clash rises in front of me like a brick barrier. For instance, the elderly retirement community was such an odd experience for me. To even think of leaving my parents in place like this would be considered taboo in all of my cultures. Even when they become hard to manage you suck it up and look after them. They don't abandon their bratty children to the fire station.
My paternal grandfather had dementia and mild Alzheimer, but there was no way in hell any of his four children abandon him. Now my mom's mother has dementia and she's become really painful to live with(thats the proper adjective), but my uncle would be damned before he left her in a home. Sons can be considered a form of social security for many parents in a lot of cultures. My father supported my grandfather until the end of his day, unfortunately we lived away from him.
The experience I had in the retirement community was very realistic to me. It really shook me and saddened me, the possibility of aging that way is an actual possibility. The place was actually cozy and the people were really nice. My sociology class required me to volunteer for 20 hours so I picked a subsidized living home. The house was really warm and had a homely feeling to it. The elderly all had a comfort chair in the living room, each had their own bedroom and anything they needed. Overall, it was a very nice place for them/
Then I met the occupants, the first I met was Leon an elderly, rich gentleman. Leon was used to the good life in his better days, he owned textile factories he'd been married three times and was a very unorthodox Jew. He made me feel so welcome, he couldn't speak clearly nor control his drool but he had the most mischievous eyes. He caught hold of my hands and kept stroking them and slowly inching his hands upwards. He was a cute, perverted old man. One evening I was helping his orderly get him ready for bed, out of nowhere he caught hold of my arm firmly and pulled me towards his bed. He actually yanked towards his bed and asked his orderly, "Is she for me?" Needless to say I was stunned and amused. Leon had to be really colorful character in his youth, if he was younger and did what the things he tired with me I would have given him a hard punch.
The second person who made and impression on me was Irving. He was amazing, really amazing. He was a lawyer and was becoming a pharmacist. At the age of 87 he had a stroke in his bathroom thirteen years ago and due his brain not getting the proper oxygen he ended up with dementia a few years later. He's been in the retirement home for sometime, after his wife could no longer care for him because he kept wandering off and she wasn't in her best physical heath.
I met him while he was eating lunch and he was truly suspicious of me. I can get anyone to talk to me and I told him about my background. That topic got an enthusiastic response from him and then we hit it off. We conversed for two hours and 30 minutes non-stop, we spoke about everything we could relate to. Books, literature, history, traveling, family, schools, education, movies, his wife(who he adores), politics and somethings I can't remember right now. I felt like I'd met the "one" that's how amazing he was and finally I had to leave. I promised to come and see him the next.
I couldn't wait to go the next day and when I went there I just ran up to him. He was reading a book and he looked up at me and said, "Can I help you?" My heart actually stuttered and I gave a nervous laugh and asked, "Don't you remember me?" The possibility that he didn't remember me didn't even cross my mind. He said, "Should I?" Worst feeling in the world, I felt as if my heart wad broken. I told him, actually whined and said, "You don't remember me?"
"We met yesterday spoke for two hours, how can you not remember me?"
He looked apologetic and said, "I sometimes have to pull out my own wallet to remember my name."
My heart actually broke in that moment, after that every time I went there I had to begin again with him. When I started talking to him, it would always be more than an hour. A few weeks later I was talking to one of the orderly's and Irving moved up near me and asked me who I was. I said nobody and he said my smile looked familiar.
After I finished my 20 hours I never went back there. I just never wanted to, it saddened me. Not because anyone was mistreated over there. Just the reality of the situation depressed me. I know that makes me sound petty and selfish but I felt like the end of life was hovering around me over there. I'm not the most cheerful person inside and there time stood still. I never went back there and in all honesty I don't want to go there.
