Construction

Sometimes I feel like building under construction, especially during the morning. When I wake up in the morning, I brush my teeth, clean up - usual - then begins the construction part. I got invisalgn braces this year, due to some delay and alignment problem. Anyways, pop in my contacts, slather on lotion, then concealer, sometimes foundation and powder (depends on the skin that day). Then fix my hair, wear decent clothing and shoes. Then I look presentable, hence the construction analogy.

The braces will be gone after a year, buildings require cement to settle before the begin other work. They require interior and exterior improvement. Today is a very dull morning/day.

Fruits of Labor

 

DONE! FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!!

 

 

 

Note to self: Buy a new camera.

Watch the Narnia movies - oggle(not google- actually that too) at new crush Ben Barnes

how long will it take....

 

Sometimes I feel like its taking me so long to become the person I want to be, the person I know I can be. 

 

I'm a dignified person, I carry myself with respect. No one can disrespect me, so why can't I sleep?

Hear, hear!!!

Guilt, guilty - guillotine?

Day 2 with only snatches of sleep.

 

   I'm from a Bulgarian family, we're middle class and very family oriented. We have a/the matriarch in my mom's family it's her eldest sister, Tabitha. Also in my dad's side of the family me and my sister are the only girls. There are 17 boys! The matriacrh decides on marriage, you need her blessing - she doesn't solely make all the decisions but they have to pass by her. 

  Anyways, I'm 23 and still not married in our culture its considered a shame. I'm going to cross my "peak" this year. The matriarch of a family looks around in their society and family friends to see if there is suitable match for the girl. When they find a boy suitable enough for their girl they dissect his past, future and present. 

 

  In my case, it turned out to be my friend and distant cousin Isaac. My aunt introduced us like we'd never met and put the proposal in front of me an my parents. I turned it down promptly because Isaac is like my brother, granted he's not but he is distantly related to me. The gross factor is too much for me, my American side said, "Ewwww.." In my defense, the elders were trying to take mine and Isaac's innocent relationship and corrupt it. 

  Now I'm disgraced, I did discuss it with Isaac and he spoke to his parents and put an end to it. He spoke to my aunt, too! Except now I found Isaac had feelings for me and was willing to get married to me because he wanted to. I think I hurt his feelings, I didn't even bother to break it to him gently. I just went and raged at him, I didn't even stop to consider his feelings I just blurted out my disgust. I still stand by my disapproval at attempting this relationship but I wish I handled things differently. I didn't realize I was probably hurting him, it just struck me two days ago.At one point I even accused him of being stupid and not trying hard enough to put an end to all this nonsense.

 

  Unconsciously I might have made him think he wasn't good enough for - even though I clarified the fact that it was because we were related.  The families aren't happy, they're upset because apparently were a "good match."

 

Now I feel so guilty  I can't sleep any more.  

I'm very good with guilt, I carry it for days until it starts to physically strain me. 

Me = The Bad Guy ...ALWAYS!

 

Homer: I've learned that life is one big crushing defeat after another until you just wish that Flanders was dead.

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You know, honestly has no place in this world. Being truthful and honest just gets you dirty looks and snide comments. Hypocrites get a free ride in this world. Even though my conscience is clean, it doesn't seem to matter when everyone turns on me. Their attitude towards me makes me want to crawl into a hole. What hurts the most is when your partner in crime turns to you and says, "Be brave, be selfish for once" and melds into the accusing crowd. 

Unfair, Unfair - damn! now I sound like an adolescent, hormonal confused teen. 

 

Days like today make it all worth it!

 

Got up at 9 am today, not groggy just beautifully wide awake. Had a perfect cup of coffee - side note: adding Cool Whip gives it that extra special something. Made lunch casserole and then I painted all day today. I worked on on my abstract assignment all day. I couldn't go to class because my dad took my car. So I painted and struggled and painted some more.

 

Its weird I'm not the artist type but for some reason painting this abstract makes me feel extremely satisfied. It just makes me forget the world - weird for me - since my mind is always working. My mind refuses to shut down sometimes, it wonders about everything way too much. I ponder over different possibilites, scenarios and about the next day. I have an IQ of  164, wonder if thats why I think too much.

Anyways, I had a lot of trouble with this painting two weeks ago and now I'm gradually improving and enjoying it.

 

Now I'll end the day with a happier note by watching my all time favorite show, with 23 seasons - you never ever EVER get bored of it. 

 

Wise words from my kind of hero........................

 

 Homer Simpson,  "Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal."

Marriage, Religion, Family and Think Like A Man - really?

I watched "Think Like A Man" last night. Well I was hoping for more from this movie, it was ok. Excellent time kill and brain cells extinguisher. 

 

 In European and Asian cultures it is ok for distant cousins to get married. Also these decisions are made by the elders in the family. When you try to refuse, you are called disobedient and when you tell them marrying cousins is gross - they call you a spoiled, ungrateful American child. Then religion comes into the factor and you just sit there drained with all of the elders of the family shouting at the top of their lungs at you!!!!

Last semester there was boy named Michael in my class, he was the cutest and funniest boy. He flirted with me, joked around but he never asked me out. I was under the impression that I'd fallen in the friend category, wasn't his type. Later I found out from our friend that he thought I was too smart, pretty and put together for him. His exact word were "she totally cool, too perfect to be my girl." This isn't the first time I've got this reaction. I've been told I intimidate guys because I'm smart and have the "know-it-alls." 

I know I'm funny and can make anyone feel comfortable but finding your too perfect for everyone is weird. So does that make me feel bad? Hell No!! I thought that he was too good for me but apparently he thinks I'm too good for him!! Hahaha!

Long artsy day! No Regrets, right?

I've been up since 6 am, had business class from 9 to 12. The art class from 12:15 to 4:20. Then I got stuck in Los Angeles traffic and made it home at 6 pm!

 

Apparently listening to opera while painting motivates you. That theory was tested today and guess what? It works! I painted for 4 hours straight and I did damn well!!! Last week I painted like a toddler, this week I'm progressed - painting more like a 4th grader! Progression!

 

 

God knows I'm not the patient, artistic type, but this was rigorous and rewarding.

 

 

Oh yea, I have a fever of 102 degrees. Typing while I'm feverish and delirious. Gotta finish homework, I think I chewed off more than I can swallow this semester. I'm taking 5 classes, meaning:

1. more homework

2. more time in college

3. spending more time with my annoying brother

4. being stuck in traffic.

5. no free time

 

Benefits:

 

1. I'll get out off community college faster.

 

Four years ago, I got accepted at Otis College of Art and Design. They accepted me for my writing but I couldn't afford it. So that opportunity passed, no regrets there. I like writing but not as a career. I like stability and being a writer doesn't offer stability financially or er...mentally.   

 

Almost six years ago my last semester of high school I applied to random universities and got into University of Berkley and got an interview offer from Ivy League Dartmouth. Missed out on those opportunities due to two reasons: finance and my parents fear of me living away from them.

 

Then I couldn't decide what to do with my life, I thought I wanted to be a psychologist, writer, lawyer, detective or an anthropologist. In the meantime, I took online certification courses - I'm certified freelance writer, worked as that for sometime.

 

Now here I am, six years later going to my second semester of community college trying to finish as fast as I can.

Remembering 9/11

"Eleven times we have paused in remembrance and reflection, in unity and in purpose," Obama said. "This is never an easy day, but it is especially difficult for all of you, the families of nearly 3,000 innocents who lost their lives. - http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-rt-us-usa-sept11bre88a0c2-20120911,0,4405765.story

Also I want to bring to notice that NBC forgot to pay tribute to 9/1, like ABC's "Good Morning America" and the "CBS This Morning" CNN, Fox News Channel and MSNBC. Instead they preferred to interview the mother Kardashian about her breasts. Shame on you, NBC!!!

Quoting a user named Drew on Yahoo! OMG! :

This is what America has become? Skipping 9/11 moment of silence for Kardashians - who spoke about her breasts and their claim to fame is one of their daughters making a sex tape and late father who defended OJ Simpsons! Shame on NBC!!!

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/nbcs-today-skips-9-11-moment-kardashian-191704208--finance.html

 

Indeed shame on you NBC! Lives were lost and sacrificed for this?

9/10/12 - where's the 11 in between?

Why bother fixing a bad day? I got screwed over righteously today. Got my first parking ticket, lost over $75 -didn't loose them exactly - but I paid that much for arts supplies. So... Basically, that amount of money was stolen from me, I suck at art just needed that class for credits. 

So can a bad day change? I'm too tired to sit around waiting for my luck to change - instead I'll wait for the day itself to change. Why did I start this blog? Sometimes when I'm having a bad day I like to write about it. Also I used to keep a journal and I used love pouring my thoughts into it now I'm embracing the tech journal and going with the flow. Plus, weirdly whenever I start something on a bad day it turns fruitful. 
Yea, go figure

BAD DAY BE GONE!
EnO