Mid - nIght swrils!

 

  Went to a concert in Santa Monica on Friday. Every time I go out clubbing or partying into the night, I always tell myself I'm never going to do it again. I didn't intend to go out partying, my boss Jess invited me to go along. She got me a ticket and V.I.P pass for the concert. Anyways, I had an experience not an enjoyable one, but it was an experience. I really don't want to do that again. 

V.I.P is really not something I enjoyed, its just musicians getting high and groupies giggling. One of the band members started talking to me and his groupie "accidentally" spilled her drink all over me. The joke was on her, that dude got up and helped me clean it off me. Yet somehow I've become that girl in the corner with a drink. I went off into the hall way with the "commoners" and had a better time. The music was great, but the party scene just doesn't make sense to me. I think I'm a big freaking freak!

possessive - not good

My mom is obsessed with keeping me in her sight. I guess since she is unable to control her other child so she is constantly keeps tabs on, which I don't mind. Except now she's becoming adamant on me not going anywhere. I'm were complying, but out forbid me or command me, that brings out something ugly in me.

New guy

 is playing games with me! And I couldn't care less. I just didn't want to blow him off, so I was making an effort to keep connected with but I think he wants to shrug me off. I'm fine with that, every time I start dating I remember why I avoid it - drama!

 I like me, I like my company. I actually crave my company. Most girls just want attention, I, too, bask in attention but I don't shrivel up without another person's approval.

List!!!!! run down!

1. Increase GPA from 3.6 to 4.00 - Been working on this but I messed up the math test. Most likely the history and Anthropology test, too. I was ill during the mid terms, but my current grade in my Computer Science class is an A, 99.87%. Lets see how that goes.
Nearly there! I don't feel bad because I'm trying really hard.
 
2. Learn to be more confident when following directions and doing math. Kinda, I think. It's really hard being a math geniuses daughter.  
Yes! More confident in math and directions!  
3. Practice Math and Painting - don't you dare let your GPA drop because you suck at math!!!  Uh....ah...er....
Practicing math, have no choice here but it's helping me. I started paint again last week!   
4. Go on a date - mom keeps asking if I'm lesbian, need to shut her up.  Not happening at all, I'm having trouble here. Should I risk my friendship and attempt something? Hmm...conflicted.
Did that today!  
5. Kiss a boy - didn't kiss a single boy in 2012 - shame on you!
 Still in the shame box, but its only April! Nov 12, 2013! DID IT! I'm still human, kinda

6. Gain weight - screw people who say its so hard to loose weight, try gaining weight with fast metabolism and over active energy!!!  It happens and then its gone.  
7. Go out with friends every week.
 I do this but it's every other week! I think that's good enough, scratch.

  8. Explore LA - for GODSSAKE! you've lived here all your life.  Do you feel pleased when tourist come here and learn your hometown better than you? Do you? DO YOU??? No I do not! Again it's still April!
Been doing this!  
9. Stop drinking eggnog and blogging - you don't even like eggnog. Check!!! I don't drink it makes me all confused.
    
10. Loose the celibacy status and just do something. puh-lease!!!!!  Freaking shame-box! Kinda, I'd rather not have regrets, so no shame
 
11. Become more organized - working on this already good for you!   Sometimes, although my bursting closet makes me look like a liar! 
Damn this is not going well, how did I become a slob?
 
12. Stop obsessing over details, go with the flow!  HA! That will happen!
I've actually improved in this area, proud of me!
 
13. NO obligation towards anyone - except the Mom and the "two minions."   I'm trying, really am and I'm making progress.      
This is who I am, not going to change.
 
14. Pick a simple,everyday hairstyle and make it permanent.   Did this except my hair grew back and now I have to go chop it off again.
 
15. Do something risky - meaning unlike you, without over thinking every little detail - like kissing a cute boy without any reason. DID IT! Went clubbing! Still haven't kissed a cute boy.
 
16. Look for a job - being a tutor is the only job you've ever had! Even if you don't take a job go for the interviews.  Yes!!!
 
  17.Keep adding to this list, be adventurous!  YES!
Was adding! not anymore

18. Try getting up earlier in the mornings - sometimes but I want to try harder.

I'm an absolute disgrace

19. Appreciate simple things, for instance the view from my window!! Totally do!

20. Stop beginning comfortable - no more hobo look - this is the hardest, I love hobo me - its the only time I have unconditional adoration direct to myself. 

I love my hobo pants and shirts!

Sort of, I do wear more uncomfortable clothes, but I still wear hobo outfits

21. Don't walk so fast - you're always panting when you reach your destination - only dogs pant!  

Got this down and now I arrive late everywhere! Who am I kidding? I can't be late anywhere, I still rush like I'm about to save the world.

22. Don't correct the teacher - no matter how pompous and dumb they are - that is was the reason your GPA fell lower. I was supposed to get an A+ in my business class last semester, why didn't I get it? - because the teacher didn't like anyone opposing his opinion. You're thoughts aren't as important as your GPA or future.  

This is I truly follow, in fact I don't even speak in class any more. Atta girl!

23: Go club hopping. Hell yea! 

Proud of me!

Anger is coming

I'm angry now, I'm so angry. I feel used, betrayed. All these different emotions are surfacing, it's like the ocean wall collapsed.

New position

Got a new job, even better position. I'm really pleased about that. Had a math test today, couldn't remember a thing, still have a fever I just wanted to slide to the floor and lie there.

 For years, I've been waking up in the middle of night and then I feel this emptiness trying to suffocate. All that echoes through my head is, "Oh god, I've wasted my life away!"
 Lately, it's been happening a lot more. I jerk awake at night and realize how old I am and then emptiness. I keep feeling I'm wasting my life, I'm working towards my goal. Then, why do I jerk awake?

 I'm applying to USC this spring, I'm aiming for it but now I'm having self doubt. How about if I don't get in my GPA is 3.6, but according USC courses that are applicable leaves my GPA at 3.2! The business program is so competitive, I'm having different thoughts.

I'm have asleep, very sick - dunno what I've writte will edit later

halloween and fever

Not cool! I keep feeling this shooting pain in my ribs and now I gotta a fever. So mad!