I figured this out this week. I'm so driven towards a goal I've set for myself and in reality I don't even want it. In the sense, I do want to accomplish it but I don't crave it. I do want to complete my education and become mildly successful. (mildly because I don't really care about money, I know it'll give me the good life but I like the mild struggle in life). I want to do that in order to accomplish what I feel is my real goal in life. I realized it this week when my mom was grilling me, according to her my purpose in life should be getting married, procreating and gain joy from that. I'd rather skip that part and go in the other direction.
No matter who I speak to they always except ans accept parenthood and matrimony to be their final destination. I've spoken to religious people, stupid people and even one porn star. Why don't I see it that way?
Lately, I'd been noticing my sister would sneer every time the topic marriage/love came up. I've influenced that aspect of her way thinking. I set her straight, told her not to be like me and she's not - she's sweet and nurturing. She loves kids and wants to be an interior designer. She has that motherly air about her and you know she's going to be a great mom some day. I don't want to be a negative influence on her, so I told her not to be like. I'm wired the wrong way, I just see things different and want other things. Sometimes I think I've told myself that so many times, I've actually started to believe it and accept it.
New Goal: Study hard, good college, stable job, clear debt, gain financial independence and then travel. When will I be able to accomplish this by? I'm already 24, so damn, freaking old!
Need new list for educational goals!
Lisa:
Well, I'm going to be a famous jazz musician. I've got it all figured
out. I'll be unappreciated in my own country, but my gutsy blues
stylings will electrify the French. I'll avoid the horrors of drug
abuse, but I do plan to have several torrid love affairs, and I may or
may not die young. I haven't decided.
I volunteered to be here in this life. Sort of like volunteering to go on a dangerous mission. I promised when I got here to become as aware as possible as things as they are, and not as I want them to be. I promised to find the nature of kindness in me, and to be kind towards others and help them find that same awareness and kindness in themselves. I'm here to inspire people to not give up on their spiritual journey and spiritual development -- wherever that leads them -- even if this is contrary to what everyone says they should be doing around them. I'll encourage you to keep being brave, to keep doing the right thing that leads you to the truth of you, because being connected to you and your truth will allow you to meaningfully connect with other people searching for the truth in them. I encourage you to be the captain of YOUR ship and chart your course -- you can do this and be respectful of family and tradition, but you also may have to be willing to go on your own too and be self-supporting to do this. Whatever it takes. You are not wired the wrong way. You see things how you see things. That makes you wonderful and unique. You can give to yourself and others your unique way of loving and seeing things. You can discover your charms and your flaws, unique to you. You can integrate this sense of self into your life, and include others in this willingness to uncover who you are and persevere in being you. So love a bit today, be kind to yourself and someone else today, do a favor for someone, learn something new, call a friend who you have not talked to in awhile, and keep on being you and not a character (or role) in someone else's story. Because there IS no 'story' -- only our experiences, and if we were true to ourselves and going where our spirituality was directing us to go. This is what I think, whatever helps, please take, sift out the rest of it... :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget to tell your Mom and Dad you love them. And your siblings. :-)
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