THE LIST - from me to me

1. Increase GPA from 3.6 to 4.00
2. Learn to be more confident when following directions and doing math.
3. practice Math and Painting - don't you dare let your GPA drop because you suck at math!!! 
4. Go on a date - mom keeps asking if I'm lesbian, need to shut her up.
5. Kiss a boy - didn't kiss a single boy in 2012 - shame on you!
6. Gain weight - screw people who say its so hard to loose weight, try gaining weight with fast metabolism and over active energy!!!
7. Go out with friends every week.
8. Explore LA - for GODSSAKE! you've lived here all your life.  Do you feel pleased when tourist come here and learn your hometown better than you? Do you? DO YOU???
9. Stop drinking eggnog and blogging - you don't even like eggnog. 
10. Loose the celibacy status and just do something. puh-lease!!!!!
11. Become more organized - working on this already good for you!
12. Stop obsessing over details, go with the flow
13. NO obligation towards anyone - except the Mom and the "two minions."        
14. Pick a simple,everyday hairstyle and make it permanent.  
15. Do something risky - meaning unlike you, without over thinking every little detail - like kissing a cute boy without any reason.
16. Look for a job - being a tutor is the only job you've ever had! Even if you don't take a job go for the interviews.
17.Keep adding to this list, be adventurous!  
                                  
                                           You owe me!

 


Good Grief! This looks like an adolescent girl's to do list. Now I'm going to sit in my shame corner.   

Something wrong with me?

Sometimes I think I'm wired the wrong way. I'm 23 and my friends are all my age - give or take a year up and down. All of them are either married, engaged or in a committed relationship. They don't care how dysfunctional their relationships are, they are still committed to them. I've never ever been in a serious relationship. Let alone serious, I've never been in a relationship and I honestly don't want to be in one. 

Life is very simple; 
when I'm hungry - I get food
when I thirsty - I go get drunk
when I want to get laid - go get it! 

So simple, in fact I rarely seek out intimacy of any form. I'm quite content being on my own. 
  
 Recently, I reunited with a childhood friend, Victoria, she is shyest person and even she is in a committed relationship. The guy is clearly messing with but she is the most sweetest, shyest life form that doesn't understand deception. Luckily her father has realized the guy is using her and daddy dearest has his own tricks up his sleeves. My point is even she is in a relationship. A few years ago, if anyone told Victoria would even talk to a boy I would have laughed my head off.
 
 Is there something wrong with me? All my friends want babies and the whole picket fence experience, I just don't want that. In fact, the thought of being in that situation makes me feel trapped. Many times when I see young ladies around my age with kids and someone makes a comment that I should think about settling down, I feel ill. I actually feel a sense of panic and suffocation. After that passes I feel a little sad and upset because I don't want that. That's gets me wondering, is there something wrong with me? I really don't know what I want, but I do know I don't want that. Sometimes I dream of being with someone but when I start exploring that option  I prefer the solo status.

Often I talk to my mom about this and she says, I dislike the thought of obligation and responsibility towards someone. Maybe because all my life I've been the responsible one and I've understood that position very well. Responsibility carries the sense of obligation. Perhaps that's the reason I'm content not being ladled with more responsibility.   

Many girls dream of certain type of man. I don't have a dream man created from my imagination because ....everyone in real life is disappointing?  

Rules + Following = Rigid

I always follow rules, names I've earned for following rules:
Rigid Bitch
Frigid Bitch
Goody two shoes
Rule following Frigid Rigid Bitch
Prude 

and this has nothing to do with my sex life.


I don't mind following rules. I attempt to follow them more than most people and still I get the backlash.  How come people who don't follow rules get away with so many things? Unfair! Should I loosen up?
 

'Tis Season of what the hell is going on?

Nearly end of another year. Last year, my baby bro broke his wrist and completely shattered his trapezium bone.  My brave little guy didn't cry until he got home and came into my room.  Two weeks after that my mom broke her ribs. I'm not superstitious but seriously, what the hell is going on? 

 This year, same time as last weird/bad things were going on. I got a ticket, broke my thumb two days ago and my dad got into a minor accident yesterday on the freeway. Freaked the hell out of me, writers should not be left alone with the imagination during suspenseful moments. I'm grateful my dad is ok, some old dingbat hit him from behind. My brand new car is not even a year old has been scarred! Also I got my report card this semester is full of B's just like my bra size and that is not funny! My GPA is 3.2, I don't understand why I got a B in my business classes. Real shocker here: Got an A in the art class. Everything else is a B and I freaking tried so hard!

  Eggnog is weird, why don't I like to drink as much as others?

I got another ticket

I got another ticket, today was one really lousy day. I hate college administration process, I spend all morning running back and forth between the offices. I got a ticket in that stupid college's parking  lot.  They're  car pass vending machine would only except quarters, dollar coins and MASTER CARD!!!! Who the hell carries dollar coins around??? What the hell is a master card??!!! HELL! FRICK!

FYI - Glendale Community College needs to improve...everything! They have such a slow staff and even worse is their online site. Plus getting old ladies to sing Christmas carols during a busy work is not acceptable. They actually stopped everything for a 40 minutes to let that old lady sing and then they went to lunch.
Also I said a very bad word today without censoring myself. Bad day, bad me!

Days like this...

School is done, but still got paper work to do.

I think my mom is going through an emotional breakdown. Today she and I were just arguing over something so stupid - gifts and she burst into tears because I didn't agree with her.  She said nobody agrees with her and everyone is ganging up on her. She cried like a little girl and I feel like crawling into a whole. 

 I've been noticing off late, since my bro's problems - everyone interrogates her, blames her and argues with her. She doesn't know how to argue and she becomes confused and makes a total fool of herself. Plus for some reason she'll just take something so simple and light and make it into an argument. I think we've finally succeeded in breaking her down, without realizing it. 

I feel rotten to the core, my mom is really sweet and naive. When my dad gets home, I'll discuss it with him.

My new crush......

is Seth Mcfarlane. I've got a huge crush one him, just realized it the other day while watching his interview. He is intelligent, cute and extremely funny - whats not to love? I've developed a huge crush on him, lets see how long this lasts. 

Finished my first final today for Business class. I feel like I knew 70% of it and now the wait.

Checklist time:

Lotta things to do!
1. Finals
2. work on painting collage
3. search for pictures in magazines, online, old books - anywhere!!!
4. cut pictures
5. paste pictures on canvas, takes overnight to dry
6. start painting background
7. paint over pictures 
8. finish business homework, email teacher about extra credit
9. find volunteer work for extra credit (you want an A+, not an A-!!!)
10. finish HR homework.
11. study for final exam on Monday12. Paint some more, try to finish painting
13. Study for Administration final.
14. Study for Global Business final and hw
15. better have finished painting and bought snacks for party on Thursday!!

Have 10 more things to get out of the way. 

Last week ......

Lotta things to do!
1. Finals
2. work on painting collage
3. search for pictures in magazines, online, old books - anywhere!!!
4. cut pictures
5. paste pictures on canvas, takes overnight to dry
6. start painting background
7. paint over pictures 
8. finish business homework, email teacher about extra credit
9. find volunteer work for extra credit (you want an A+, not an A-!!!)
10. finish HR homework.
11. study for final exam on Monday
12. Paint some more, try to finish painting
13. Study for Administration final.
14. Study for Global Business final
15. better have finished painting and bought snacks for party on Thursday!!

Then you'll be free I promise you!
Just one more finish online class assignments! Then you'll be truly be free.......

Scooter and Rain

   Scooters and rain take me back. I was coming back from the library and I saw a grown man with his gaze downward riding a scooter. His scooter wheels had lights on them and my face just broke into smile. Our eyes met and we started to laugh. Just the drizzling ran and scooter took me back, made me feel happy. 

I finished me scenery painting, I know I could have done a better job if I had more time.