I have two brothers, one is 19 years old and the other is 12. The younger one is my precious, love him more than anything in this world.
The eldest one, let's call him "Orson" is nineteen and he's reached the peak of his terrible years.
Off late, he is becoming harder to live with and he is making us all so miserable. I've had my share of angst and depression but I never EVER drove my mother to tears. I've had her yell at me and maybe throw things at me - he drove that kind of woman to tears. She has just plain given up talking to him and now he is testing the limits of my parents marriage. As he is getting older, he's becoming more and more selfish. His friends are shady and he doesn't care about anything other than having fun. It's driving the peace out of our house, every time he goes out we breathe a sigh of relief. I think he and his friends smoke weed all the time, but recently I know he's taking it to the next level. I try to talk to him but we just end up in a screaming match. Sometimes he really pisses off my dad and I have feeling it would get physical. My dad wouldn't stand a chance against him.Orson really big and not pudgy. He is pure muscle mass or I would have kicked his butt into line by now.
The worst part is he has always been had the center stage in our family. He wants attention and he doesn't care how he gets it, good or bad. He actually gets jealous of the us if we get appreciated or new people pay attention to us. He is so used to people fawning over him, that he can't stand it when anyone of us gets attention. It makes him angrier when one of his siblings get attention, it drives him mad with jealousy. Which is so strange since none of us including my parents have ever encouraged malicious feelings. Our family is based on openess, wishing what we want for ourselves on others. Not being cheesy, just how we view things.
I hate that my parents always have to chase after him and worry about him. I don't want their attention, my time is gone and I have no complains. I think my parents should focus their attention on my younger two siblings.
This is a tough situation. Your brother is young, strong, and into rebellion. This could be a phase he is going through -- but if you feel threatened, physically, you pay attention to this. I've been around substance abuse, I got sober, and asking for help when someone is using is hard to do. If there is any chance he'd be open to talking to a counselor, this could help. Or you could seek a family counselor, to come into the home and meet with the family and get a dialog going. When I was a teenager, my family and I did this. I can't chase after someone, to help them. I can ask for help, to see what resources are available, that I might not know about now.
ReplyDeleteWe've attempted to get him to see a counselor, but he doesn't view weed as drug. That is the frustrating part, he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong.
ReplyDeleteIf you think your family is open to it -- one thing you could do is the rest of the family have counseling together. I don't know if this is a possibility. Counseling is not magic, but it helps. Also, you or people in your family, could start going to Al-Anon. I've seen this help, also, it depends on the people and the situation. The main thing is to chart a course of action, in the wisest and most compassionate way we can. Because Love is an action, in my experience. Reaching out for more information for yourself can help. Addiction is nasty and tricky, but I've seen people recover -- and I have as well. When I was addicted, I told people I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. But inside I knew I was not doing the right thing. If someone as stupid and stubborn as me can rebuild and find new hope, and now be helping others stay sober every day, there is always hope.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, I don't think you were stupid and stubborn. I think you were willing to change and accept the help that was given to you. Hope, isn't that what we do all our lives? I do hear you, loud and clear - won't forget it.
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