My mom has stomach ulcers, I'm so happy!!! Trust me, when I say I'm so grateful she has ulcers. This past week, my mom has been going in and out of the hospital. Recently, she was made to get an x-ray and some scans and tests. They saw a shadow on her lungs, so more tests. Thank goodness, it turned out to be just ulcers. Often a shadow on the lungs turns out to be something far bigger and dangerous - that's what that stupid doctor told me.
This week has been so, very frustrating. My mom's health send me down panic road. I hate that feeling, staying at home with my two younger siblings and waiting for her to come with some news. I feel like I'm twelve again, down the same road.
My brother is still spiraling down hill with his friends, figuratively and literally. Two days ago he got into an accident with his skateboard. My dad won't let him have a car, so he has a skateboard. He skidded his whole left side, his back, and shoulder. His cheek is bruised and he reeked of weed when he got back home. Right now, he has a high fever and chills. I just fed him some soup and pain killers, now he's asleep. He looks just like he did when he was a baby, he was such a bright little dude. I miss him like that, I miss him being innocent.
I kind of told my mother that he's been smoking more than weed. She didn't take it well, in fact my mother has a tendency to become really emotional. She can't afford to take any stress right now, so I just told her I was speculating.
My father, he's used to my mother raising us. He and Orson clash, my brother still has a mild fear of my father's authority. It won't hold for long but as long as it lasts, right? Sometimes my dad is just that authoritative figure in the background, who is used as a last resort. He's a figure you're threatened by, but in reality the figure has no power. I've tested that theory, I've danced in circles around that fact but I've also protected that theory. I learned very early that I could manipulate my dad. I didn't manipulate him so I could go out with my friends or shopping. I chose to manipulate him when I felt it was right. Note, I say manipulate because I'm not trying to make myself appear white when I know there is grey in the act.
My dad isn't a bad guy, in fact he is one of the most decent human beings in this world. If I could be half as decent as him, I'd get a good seat in heaven. He's a proud man, he never asks anyone for anything. He'll give the shirt of his back to someone if they were in need, he can't bear to see anyone in trouble.
Sometimes I forget that my dad was cherished and adored. You see, he was the only boy out of three girls. Boys are given a certain amount of importance that girls aren't in many cultures. Even though my grandmother was his mother, he was still given a certain amount of reverence by other family members and maybe unintentionally by his parents and sisters. He was a very bright boy and he still is brilliant. He is used to everything revolving around him, much like my brother. When I look at my dad sometimes, I feel like he is the main character of a book and were just the supporting characters.
I remember when I was really young around the time my grandmother died. My dad had started a business, his partner took all the money and went aboard. My dad was left with a huge debt and debt collectors after his blood - in India that means literally. My grandmother died soon after that. One bad thing after, another took place in our lives. Also I remember everyone telling me not to tell anyone my dad was home. I clearly remember a big man coming to our door and shouting that he would kill my dad if his money wasn't returned. From that time, I remember feeling scared for my dad and wanting to protect him.
I always feel protective about him. He's been through so much and I wish he would just grow up!!!
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