Is it bad to want someone else to fix your life? Is it really bad to realize you might love someone after you've chased them out of your life for their own good? Is it so many more things I can't describe?
I don't understand this process, I was good last week, and now I'm back to longing for him. We're not talking at all, no texting or any time of communication. It's hitting me really hard, I messed up my last two math test, and had to drop that class, again. I'm confused, I know it was the right decision for many reasons. Pros and cons list here:
Pro:
- Respectful
- Sweet
- Caring
- Honest
- Good looking
- Patient, very, very patient
- Not pushy in anyway - mannerism, sexually (I'm so afraid I'll never find that ever again).
- Comfort level
- My hand fit nicely in his
- Made me feel special, like I'm the prettiest girl in the world.
- Came from a good background
- Beautiful eyes
- Smelled clean even when he was sweating.
- Was in four year relationship, loyal guy - would never cheat or at-least I think not
- Just held me and it felt right
- He was a bit soft - in a bad situation I would be able to rip him into bits.
- A bit immature
- Is not even a bit assertive or ambitious (again, in a situation I would tear him to bits)
- Insecure (but I liked making him feel good about himself)
- Not even a little adventurous - I was the adventurous one, shame
- Laid back, almost lazy (that would have really made me angry if I was to deal with him daily)
- Never made plans, I usually bossed him around and made all the plans.
There is the part of the relationship with anyone, when I know what you do, through observation and interaction with you. Because of these patterns I observe, I can pretty much predict with reasonable certainty the things you will do. It isn't 100% certainty, but I know what can make you angry, happy, or sad. And in relation to you, I know what I like and what I don't like. At that point, if I want to save you, or help you, or change you, then I end up getting very frustrated or angry. Because people take a long time to get to be the way they are, they are doing the best that they can with the information they can process, and they generally stay the way they are with some small modifications. It is all in place, the foundation of good and bad reactions to things, in us all, and it is like a bedrock. We build off of our good and bad tendencies. But though I cannot change others, paradoxically, I have control over me -- what I do, and what I say. Just me. That is really quite fabulous. So I can change myself, not others. I find that when I change, my view of others, and in life, and what my problems are, this all changes too. Quite radically. In any case, we all change, even if we don't want to change. Life does this to us, puts us through changes. It is how I react to change from outside of me (you) and change inside of me (me) that makes all the difference, I find. But this is my experience. I try to have a good heart, I try to be kind, and I try to be true to myself, when all else fails. : - ) Take a smile with you.
ReplyDeleteOr how about this:
ReplyDeleteFind someone you like -- you might even love. Finds someone who doesn't want to change you, and you don't want to change them.
Collaborate with them, cooperate with them, instigate with them, but no insistence on modification, alteration, or supplication.
The desire to play with them, go places with them, and see what happens in life with them, is important.
Understand that there will be parts of anyone's personality that will frustrate you, even drive you to tears, but underneath all of this is a kindness and acceptance for each other.
In no way is there any physical, mental, or verbal intimidation. Never.
Look for this. It can happen for you -- I've seen it happen in this life for others.