Apparently, I run funny. I'm super-thin, I like to call myself slender others call me toothpick. I'm still conscious about my knees, but other than that I've learned to be comfortable with the way my body is.
I joined the Total Woman gym this week, I'm meeting up with a personal trainer who'll be advising me on my weight. I'm super active, but that's not the issue. The problem is I can't gain weight at all. I eat all my three meals and snack in the middle but it makes no difference. I have super small bones but I'm not bony. I'm soft with meat but in small portions. This sounds so weird, I'll stop talkign about my physical attributes.
I've realized in that in these past two years I've managed to isolate myself from everyone other than Tara. School and reading is all I do and watching "The Simpsons", of-course. I need to start going out, I'm starting to resemble a vampire and I'm naturally tan! Plus, I need to start socializing. I've lost my old friends, I need to start making new one. One thing I really admire about myself is I can make friends anywhere and with anyone. Young, old, any race and gender. I always make pals with girls first, I don't like girls who hate on each other and also no one has your back like a girlfriend.
I'm not the jealous type, so I have no insecurity issues when it comes to creating a friendship with girls. I can actually recall the two times that I had a hard time with girls. I think I can be a mean when I need to but I'm not mean. Not a racist, but both times I clashed with Asian chicks. The reason was academic, I beat them out both times by pure accident and they turned really ugly towards. I don't do well with mean people, come at me and they know what happen. I didn't even realize they had a issue with me until I found someone switched my answer key and handed it to the teacher.
My friendship with guys has been strange, usually when they first approach me they seem a little flirty and then they start becoming really good, respectful friends with me. According, to Tara that means they respect me and are intimidated by me, respect is great and the rest not so much. Maybe I give of masculine energy? Great, now I sound like a real trashy tabloid article. Good NIGHT!
I hear women can be very competitive. Guys have no idea sometimes what that is like. Or so I hear. I make fiends easily as well, I'm a good listener. I let people talk about their interests, so they are comfortable. People amaze me -- they can be so contradictory, so frail, so fearful -- yet also so courageous and brave and decisive when they need to be. I figure you keep being you and following that voice to be true and authentic, let people into your life, and let it happen -- don't worry about how you run, and I saw a pic you posted I think a year ago that was bit blurry, but you have beautiful going on, so no worries there too. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh yeah -- super moon -- a very big moon, happening very early in the morning, starting at 4 AM or something... go see it!
ReplyDeleteWomen can be very competitive, I don't understand that. I always try to forge a friendship with them, to some woman every other women is competition. I'm usually never in the mood to be a target, so I put them at ease right away.
ReplyDeleteThank you, craving flattery is my secret shame. :)
I think women feel a bit down on the totem pole of power already, but some of the subtle, and not so subtle roles people expect gender to dictate in our society, even today. Men are supposed to be at the front -- strong, decisive, women deferring to men, when all things in terms of ability and motivation are equal. Of course, this is all nonsense, anyone deferring to anyone based on gender. It is whoever is best suited for the moment, or the job, in my opinion. Women ARE as strong and decisive as men. I think sometime women have to fight this out more, or have a sense that if they can prove it, they will, often amongst themselves. Things keep changing and as women go into more assertive roles and function well in them, as they will & have, then less infighting will happen, I think.
ReplyDeleteThen there is good basic people skills of putting possible opponents at ease, man or woman. I do this too, and when people see I am not in competition with them for attention and every little scrap, then usually I get along quite well with the harshest of people. this is because I know who I am, and I'm comfortable being decisive when I need to be.
Appreciating complements, that is a sign of good self-esteem, I think. You have this, a good sense of yourself, you deserve to be complemented. :-)
I don't know if you go to literary events, but there is a lit event a friend runs, and it is LA tomorrow night, June 26th. Free at the Hammer Museum -- 10899 Wilshire Blvd, LA 90024 at 7.30 PM. I'll be there, hope to see you if you have the time or inclination.
I do have the inclination, but no time. I would love to go to events like that, but I have no idea where or when they take place. Help me out here, please. Any more upcoming events?
ReplyDeleteThe next LDM is on August 3 in LA -- website with details: http://www.literarydeathmatch.com/
ReplyDeleteIt was a great show last night -- very funny. Not like any literary reading series I've ever participated in. I helped run things behind the scenes, and sold a bunch of LDM hip-flasks and mugs and books. If you can make it for Aguust, wing by and bring your friends. It usually takes a few days after the event to figure out what exactly happened, so much pandemonium is occurring. :-) Definitely a good time.