I don't believe in fairy tales, soul mates, "what goes around, comes around" and so many other things that most people choose to believe in.
Yet I do believe in God, even though at times I feel something stir inside me, but I would rather not explore those cervices in my mind. I feel if I explore and satisfy my curiosity, I'll darken a part of my world. As soon as, my mind starts sorting through those thoughts I distract it. I like the concept of blind faith, even though everything inside me rages for a logical explanation. I like believing in something, I don't believe in so many things that people choose to believe in. I feel I should have something I should believe in without questioning or over thinking it. I so desperately hold on to this and ignore the rest of me, but I think I'm a fraud.
When I have these doubt's it saddens me to my core. Nearly everyone I know is raised with some sort of religion and no matter how awful they are, they still have this unwavering belief that can't be shaken. Why is my tower so wobbly?
Most people feel like their own tower is wobbly, so don't be deceived by the supposed 'rock solid' faith or belief around you.
ReplyDeleteWant to feel more sure, less tippy? Build out the base of your tower, trough action. Be inspired, let the inspiration come, go see things, meet people, read books, go to events like poetry readings and other events, work on your art -- make new paintings, keep writing, ask lots of questions, be comfortable, be uncomfortable, keep looking, thinking, believing, searching. Above all -- ask lots of more questions, hard ones, easy ones, funny ones, sad ones. Don't ever stew in doubt or confusion without asking a question, mute. God (or the higher power) gave us a mouth and ears, so use them! Learn to keep asking questions and listening carefully to the answers you get. I find my tower gets more stable, if I keep doing this. Especially in the company of others.
Yes, I do ask questions until I end up dissecting everything. In this situation, I'd rather not ask many questions. I want something to hold on to.
ReplyDeleteWe're all searching for the truth, for connection with God, or the infinite beyond our limited conceptions. This is part of life, part of the mind. The answers don't always come right away, it is through the process of living, embracing changes, no being afraid of the mechanics of change, and connection with yourself and others, that I experience finding answers. And the questions tend to change, and even become more simple and less troubling, the more let people into my life, the more I pray and not expect an answer right away, and I have courage to keep learning about who I am and who you are. So I find dissection and analysis is okay, to a point, but I don't rely on puzzling it all out, all the time. I hold onto the experience that we are all basically good inside, I have seen this, and that we do not want to create suffering in ourselves, nor see it in others. I have courage in the experience that you and I, and everyone, are here for a reason, or a series of reasons. And we can all learn from life, and develop spiritually, and find peace of mind, security, and joy. I'm willing to reach out, and ask for more, and not do this by myself.
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