Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Something wrong with me?



Sometimes I think I'm wired the wrong way. I'm 23 and my friends are all my age - give or take a year up and down. All of them are either married, engaged or in a committed relationship. They don't care how dysfunctional their relationships are, they are still committed to them. I've never ever been in a serious relationship. Let alone serious, I've never been in a relationship and I honestly don't want to be in one. 

Life is very simple; 
when I'm hungry - I get food
when I thirsty - I go get drunk
when I want to get laid - go get it! 

So simple, in fact I rarely seek out intimacy of any form. I'm quite content being on my own. 
  
 Recently, I reunited with a childhood friend, Victoria, she is shyest person and even she is in a committed relationship. The guy is clearly messing with but she is the most sweetest, shyest life form that doesn't understand deception. Luckily her father has realized the guy is using her and daddy dearest has his own tricks up his sleeves. My point is even she is in a relationship. A few years ago, if anyone told Victoria would even talk to a boy I would have laughed my head off.
 
 Is there something wrong with me? All my friends want babies and the whole picket fence experience, I just don't want that. In fact, the thought of being in that situation makes me feel trapped. Many times when I see young ladies around my age with kids and someone makes a comment that I should think about settling down, I feel ill. I actually feel a sense of panic and suffocation. After that passes I feel a little sad and upset because I don't want that. That's gets me wondering, is there something wrong with me? I really don't know what I want, but I do know I don't want that. Sometimes I dream of being with someone but when I start exploring that option  I prefer the solo status.

Often I talk to my mom about this and she says, I dislike the thought of obligation and responsibility towards someone. Maybe because all my life I've been the responsible one and I've understood that position very well. Responsibility carries the sense of obligation. Perhaps that's the reason I'm content not being ladled with more responsibility 

Many girls dream of certain type of man. I don't have a dream man created from my imagination because ....everyone in real life is disappointing?  

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